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2018: My Two Unhealthy Patterns To Let Go

For me, 2018 is going to be a year of correcting two unhealthy patterns that I have recently identified. I see that in order to move forward in my beautiful life here in Arizona, I absolutely have to let these go. 
These are behavioral patterns that I have slowly, almost undetectably until the past few weeks of inquiry, developed over the past decade.  Patterns that I believe I chose to take on as some form as self-protection, self-preservation or maybe some form of self-soothing. These two behaviors may seem very silly or even insignificant. However, I can clearly see how over time they have greatly impacted my life, my spirit, my health and my relationships. So here they are:
Behavior #1: Isolating
I used to go out to dinner and lunch with friends all the time.  Social gatherings were my specialty. I was involved in communities and groups. I can no longer say that that is true.  After my decade long illness, that part of me never came back.  Not really.  During that time I began to sl…
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Stress and The Dragon

Navigating stress can be challenging. Stress is like a vicious monster trying to devour your happiness, hope and heart. It raises its dragon-like head and sends searing flames out attempting to burn and destroy all that you are happy about, hopeful for and that your heart holds in tender love. Stress is a killer. A thief of life. Stress is not your friend. 
So how to battle the dragon?  Maybe battling isn't what we need. I tried that for years and it doesn't work. There is no armor strong enough nor sword sturdy enough to "win".  Maybe, just maybe, we need to help the dragon sleep. But how?  
Surrender. Surrender the stress. See it for what it is. A thief in your life. Decide to turn away from the dragons flames and believe that your life is in very good hands. Holy hands. 
I believe in the divine plan. Always have. Even when I've raised a sword against it. That core belief has served me well. Do I fall? Oh yes. I certainly do. In the end, though, when I surrender t…

I'm Pretty Sure I'm Not Nuts

I was just thinking. I bet those who have seen all the changes in my life and beliefs, most especially over the past decade must think I'm either nuts or can't commit. I'm laughing. I get it. I really do!!It's been a pretty intense period of my life. I feel the most important and impactful. 10 years of the most deep exploration I've ever experienced. I've been brave even when I was scared to death.
I see the evolution. I feel the personal expansion. I have walked a very long and winding path and it has taken me through some intense, scary and magnificently beautiful places- mostly within. Soul to soul.
I promise I'm not nuts. I am quite sure that committing is not an issue for me either. It's all pretty simple. I'm flexible. I bend and sway like an old tree. I allow myself to remain open to all possibilities. I believe what feels true to me.
Since birth I've been a catholic. I've been a non-believer. I was a Jew for many years. I practiced Wicc…

It's Good To Be Here Now

This is specifically for my H.H.S. family of friends.  I write this with an open heart and sincere appreciation.  My name in high school was Desiree McGill.  
I have experienced and moved through something truly life changing over the past few weeks.  I feel that this has been coming for some time.  It’s been tapping on my shoulder gently and I have just continued to shrug it off.  It started tapping in 2008 when I joined Facebook and began reconnecting to people that I remembered from high school and my youth.  Those online reconnects have been easy, I think, for so many but not for me.  The wounds from that period of my life in many ways continued to block me from heart connections that I had always wanted but was never able to participate in in real life.  High school, for me, was like living two different lives.  But I digress.
In recent weeks, the Past has come into the Present in a way that I can no longer ignore or try to hide from.  Given courage by an online group discussing a …

We Return To Personal Responsibility When We Are Mature Enough To Do So

Taking personal responsibility for the injury one has caused and continues to cause is a huge issue among today's youth. Spoiled and unwilling to see their bad choices and how those choices have broken the hearts of those who love them most is simply something these young adults are unwilling to do...maybe even incapable. Understanding the truth of things and their role in it is not a priority for these young ones. Skewing the truth and playing the victim, which is the manipulation used, will not help one to fully mature. Finding others with the victim mentality (poor me - nobody loves me - nobody understands me - everyone hurts me - "I didn't do anything!") will not help the situation and only nurture more of the same. Victims attract other victims. Liars attract other liars. Thief's attract other thief's. Skewers of facts attract other skewers of fact because like attracts like - always - and so these young ones stay stuck in the same pain, aggressi…

Father's Day is Tough When Your Child Has Abandoned You

To all of the Fathers on this Father's Day who have been abandoned by their children...
I know that this is a challenging day for you. You did your best. You were there when your baby cried through the night. As they grew, you soothed scraped knees and later bruised egos. You sacrificed self-care, self-love, career furthering choices and relationships to get them to swim, soccer, baseball or cheer practice. You did your best. You continued to deeply love your child with your whole heart even when they pushed you away and withheld their love. You cried. You hurt. But you held onto hope that one day they would wake up and see you for who you are. A good and devoted Father.
You purchased your home close to your child after your divorce just so that you could be fully Present in your young child's life who you loved with your whole heart. Still your child pushed you away. Ignored you. Left you out. Did not include you. You did your best. Years go by and your child, now a young adult,…

You Are Your Own Oracle of Wisdom